Athlete Perfectionism: The Highjacked Brain

     Perfectionism all too often plagues many athletes, and sabotages the very success they are driven to achieve. Eating disorders, exercise addiction, negative self-talk, setting unrealistic goals, are just a few of the behaviors that signal such a tendency. That's because perfectionists tend to focus on external goals, such as numbers, time, distance, and wins, and misinterpret or ignore the feelings, emotions, and physical signals that provide us with valuable information. 

     It's like the brain has been highjacked by a force working against its innate drive to develop and aspire. These individuals often live out their lives as if-- as if they have to prove something to themselves and others--as if their life depends on it--as if they have no choice. 

     Madison Holleran, the young University of Pennsylvania track runner who committed suicide in the winter of 2014, left behind a note that said it all about the trap of perfectionism and identity:  "I thought how unpleasant it is to be locked out, and I thought how it is worse perhaps to be locked in." Sadly, this is a clear example of how roles limit our options, locking us in a fixed way of acting, or being perceived. Like this we have little room to explore other expressions of ourselves, or separate the events in our lives from who we think we are supposed to be for the rest of the world. 

     Where do these roles come from? It's actually a lot of old ingrained patterning. Roles emanate from childhood, where hidden social messages first were interpreted in ways those providing them may not have ever intended. It's like the parent saying, "good boy" or "good girl" if you do something right. It implies that if you mess up, then you're a bad person. If your job is clearly to be a good person, well, major fail! The bottom line is that you are just a person--neither good nor bad-- learning through experiences. Unfortunately, the perfectionist experiences life's trials as some judgement against their value as a human being making it hard to rebound. Sadly, when you disappoint, the easiest person to take it out on is yourself.

     So how do you shift that mindset and learn to grow, be curious? Recent research on mindset and language can help point the way. Studies show that when individuals are praised on process rather than outcome, they perform better, develop resilience, and also form new and stronger neuron connections that, over time, allow them to develop open mindsets primed for learning. As an athlete, how you talk to yourself--staying curious, asking questions like : "what went well," "what can I learn from this," "what feels difficult," "what do I want to do about this," and "who can help me," and tossing out statements with always, never, and should, can help you escape the trap of perfectionism. As a coach or parent, praising athletes for being fast, or strong, or always a winner, does not allow room for the times when they aren't those things. However, praising athletes for the specific strategies they use to achieve a goal or navigate disappointment, leaves room for learning, discovery, adaptability, growth, and resilience. Instead of criticizing an athlete for who they are, couch feedback in phrases such as, "things didn't go as we had hoped today. What can we add, and what can we get rid of, for a better result." Make sure to consider what ACTIONS (not personal traits) can be shifted for better results. Remember, how you talk to yourself, or talk to your athletes, helps shape the emotional landscape, and can make or break the athlete within.